Billie Burke (1885-1970)

"The 'Mind The Paint' Girl"
By Arther Wing Pinero.
Produced at English's Theatre, 7th April, 1914.

I've a very charming dwelling,
You know where without the telling,
Decorated in a style that's rather quaint,
Smart and quaint
When you pay my home a visit
You may scrutinizeor quiz it,
But you must not touch the paint,
Brand new paint
REFRAIN.
Mind the paint—be careful,
Mind the paint,
Finger paints will always show, however faint,
Once you smear it or you scratch it,
Its impossible to match It,
Take care, do be careful!
Mind the paint!

That, supposed to be the popular song in the London success at the Pandora Theater, sung by the leading lady, Lily Parradell, is what gives the title to the latest play by Arthur Wing Pinero, which a capacity audience turned out at English's last night to see. That is, they turned out to see the play and Billie Burke.

Those who went to see the play doubtless went away bitterly disappointed, for there is no play; those who went to see Miss Burke were probably more than satisfied, for she is on the stage enough during the evening to convince everyone that she is prettier, more chic and charming than ever; a delight to see and to hear, with the saving clause that the playwright has given her mighty little of consequence to say.

What is the play about? The first two acts are just talk — or rather shouting — about nothing. They are supposed to establish the atmosphere of the world that London theatrical folk are supposed to be in; a sordid, artificial and, in spite of the air of forced smartness and gayety, a very dull world, according to Sir Arthur. For while there is as we said a lot of conversation carried on in strident tones, much better suited to the floor of the stock exchange than to the drawing room, there is hardly a single passage of real wit; hardly a sentence that is not mediocre; there is not even a flash of real humor.

It is all meant to establish the fact that Lily Parradell is the reigning favorite at the Pandora; all the young bloods of London are at her feet. Her newest admirer is Viscount Farncombe, a young scion of a noble house; her oldest is Capt. Nicholas Jeyes, a chap who has thrown up his commission in the army because of his infatuation for her and who hangs on to her, unable to marry her himself, because he is too lazy to work and unwilling that any one else shall marry her.

Nothing really happens except that Lord Farncombe proposes to her one night after a late birthday dinner, and Capt Jeyes intrudes by means of a latchkey, which he has borrowed from Lily. She calls him a cad, but she refuses Lord Farncombe and accepts the captain, but after the two men leave her they have a talk and the next day both come back to her, the captain to say that he is willing to give her up and to take his chances in Rhodesia, the lord to renew his offer, which this time is accepted.

So indirect, so frightfully loose in construction, so weak in dialogue and in situuation is this play that it hardly seems credible that it is by the distinguished author of 'The Second Mrs. Tanqueray,' 'The Gay Lord Quex,' 'Iris' and the other plays in the brilliant galaxy that bear Sir Arthur Wing Pinero's name. It is full of inconsistencies, empty of humor. What comedy there is in the play does not come from the situations or, naturally, from the players, but it is dragged in by means of caricature — the same sort of slapstick comedy that we expect from the vaudeville theater. It comes from the exaggerated lisp of the Jew, Sam DeCastro; from the maudlin drunkenness of "fond of the girls" Fulkerson; from the grimaces and alleged dancing of that nice friend of the Parradell family, Lionel Koper.

There is no rational conversation in the piece, except, perhaps, in the last act. It Is all shouting: every one talking at the top of his voice; every one talking about loving the girls in the Pandora chorus. The men are like a lot of insane men, raving about women that any normal man could realize in a moment were not worth more than a passing thought. Pinero has been at some pains to say something about the morality of these girls, whom Capt. Jeyes's mother calls "a menace to society." The playwright lets one of the characters in his play assure us that they are by no means all immoral. But what he lets us see contradicts what he says, and the difference is vital. We are allowed to see one of the Pandora girls, Enid Moncrief, pleading and coaxing a German baron to pay her hotel bill at Ostend for a month; another one, Gabrielle Kato, we see trying to work a rich Jew for a motor car, and even Lily herself, according to the playwright, is not above accepting presents of valuable jewelry from her host of men friends.

What is the excuse for such a play? Can it really be that Pinero thinks that the English upper classes, the class that Kipling called "the flanneled fools at the wicket," really need marriage with chorus girls to restore the vitality of their houses? It might seem so from what he makes Roper say to Lily's mother:

"Why, Mar, these tip-top families ought to feel jolly grateful to us. Look at the two lads that married Gwenny Harker and Madie Trevall, Kinnerton and Glenroy. And, Fawcus - Sir George Fawcus Eva Shafto's husband. They hadn't a chin or a forhead between them, and their chests are as narrow as a ten-inch plank. I maintain it is a grand thing for our English nobs, that their slips of sons have taken to marrying girls like Gwenny Harker, Madie Trevall or Lil — Sneer at the Pandora girls! — It's my belief that the Pandora girls will be the salvation of the aristocracy in this country in the long run.

Now life is not really like that, is it? and the worst of it is that the man who wrote "The 'Mind the Paint' Girl" knows that his play is not true to life as it is lived.

Of the acting of the play little need be said save to remark that Miss Burke, always charming and dainty, still maintains those qualities and that, in addition, in the one dramatic scene in the whole play in the third act, she nearly rose to the dignity of pathos. That she can not sing she, herself, is probably well aware, but there is something humorous in the thought that she portrays an actress who has made her big success with one song, and then ventures to give such a sample of tho song. The Lord Farncombe of Sidney Hull was very manly and well played; dignified throughout and a conscientious bit of work. Morton Selton overplays his part of Roper. Thomas Reynolds, well remembered here from old stock company days, does well in a small bit of caricature. The others were adequate.

"The 'Mind the Paint Girl'" will play this afternoon and night, for which performances the seat sale has been large. After the performance tonight English's Opera House closes its doors for the season.

The Indianapolis Star, 8th April, 1914.